Tuesday, August 30, 2005

And Now for Something Completely Different

Since my last post was about how bay a day someone can have, I decided to mix it up a little bit. Even if you are having a bad day, just remember, it can be worse. My grandpa sent me this story this weekend and I think it fits perfectly into this theme.


"Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not So bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to theoffice. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hoseand stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit withwarm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.Within a fewseconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stickto it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When Iscratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding thejellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of mydilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job'."

So be grateful for what you got and remember things could be a lot worse.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Its Just One of Those Days...

Have you ever had one of those days where everyone you had to deal with were so stupid they would sell their car for gas money? Well, today is one of those days. I would begin to rant about it, but the less I talk about it, the better. The picture above gave me a good laugh and reminded me there are people out there just like that. Its also getting closer to the end of the work day which means this day will be over soon. And tomorrow I will get to talk to normal people again. So if you ever fell like you are having a day like this, just remember that picture and say to yourself, "At least I know how to hold a sign up properly."

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

All About Halo

Some recent news in the world of Halo. For all of those who have no idea what I am talking about, Halo is the famous FPS (first-person shooter) game for the XBox. And its sequal, Halo 2, was even more popular, making $125 million dollars in its first 24 hours! Anyways, using this popularity, they (the makers of the game) decided to allow a movie to be made. As of right now, the script has been written and they are aiming for a summer 2007 release. Funny side note: when the writers finished with the script, they had two people dressed up in the armor deliver the script to the studio. Needless to say the lady working at the front desk was a little miffed when she saw these two guys walk into the building.

No new news concerning the next game, Halo 3. But it is looking more and more likely that XBox is planning on releasing the game the same day that Sony launches its next generation system (PS3). And I know which one I will be in line for! A dastardly move but very smart business sense. But what else would you expect from Microsoft?

And how could I mention Halo without talking about one of the best internet sites out there, Red vs Blue. If you have never heard of this either, I feel bad for you. There is a direct link to this site from this blog so I highly recommend going there and checking it out. Well, after a very long wait (not really but it feels long) season 4 begins August 29th! That's right, in less than a week more hilarity will ensue. Ah, wonder of wonders!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Soy Sauce - The Greatest Condiment of All

Today I feel the need to write about an under-appreciated condiment, Soy Sauce. In all the talk about great condiments, ketchup, mustard, salt, pepper, mayo, etc. get mentioned all the time but perhaps the greatest of all (in my humble opinion), soy sauce, rarely gets put into the discussion. Now what made me even consider this topic? Well, last night I made some chicken fried rice and I did a little taste test before it was done. It seemed a little bland and I quickly realized why. I forgot to add the key ingredient, soy sauce.

For all you naysayers out there who find this idea offensive, let me try to persuade you. First off most of you will initially come at me with, "how dare you say anything is better than ketchup, I hope you die alone and unhappy". Now the latter part is just hurtful and not nice but I'll let that slide this time. A condiment should enhance the flavor of the food you are eating, not overpower it. With most who argue that ketchup is the best, they do not use it as a condiment, but as the main ingredient of the dish. Thus the phrase, "would you like some eggs with that ketchup". I know that those people would be perfectly content with having a bottle of ketchup for lunch and would be perfectly happy (as long as they had a vitamin for the proper nutrients). I, who loves soy sauce, would not be happy with downing a bottle of soy sauce, and believe me, I know from personal experience its not that tasty (I was a poor fool of a freshman in college who was up at 2AM when somebody dared me for money, please don't judge).

I also do not condone the use of soy sauce for everything as opposed to my crazy ketchup loving friends, "horray, a new flavored ketchup ice-cream, its ketchup so its GOT to be good!" And I know some of you are gawking at me but deep down you know there would be people who bought it if it came out. For example the other day I saw at the store ketchup chips. The things people come up with. Let me give you an example of a perfect use of soy sauce that isn't well-known. Whenever you order Chinese food (and everyone loves Chinese food), most everyone will get fried rice. Now many ask, how does it get that brown color? Is it one of those secrets of the Chinese food that I just don't want to know, like "I ordered beef lo mein but this doesn't taste like beef, what type of meat is this?" But this is a secret that the answer will not scar you for life. The simple answer is soy sauce. Not for use in every meal, but when used properly, is the best thing. So crack open a bottle of finely made soy sauce (I prefer Kikkoman if you must know) and enjoy. But don't down it all in one sitting, like I mistakenly did once, "Everything in moderation!"

Monday, August 22, 2005

C.S.I. Anonymous

Hello, my name is MikeE. and I love the show C.S.I. For those of you who are oblivious to that term, it is an acronym for Crime Scene Investigation. I had never seen an episode up until recently. It all started in May when I heard that Quentin Tarantino was a guest director the season finale. Since I am a fan of his work, I decided to give the show a shot. It was very well done and I enjoyed it immensely. The next step to this was that I found out that SpikeTV was playing episodes of CSI daily after I got home from work. It also came on at 7PM which gave me more than enough time to make dinner, get a little reading done, and then relax and watch some TV.

There are several reasons that this show is so appealing to me and all of them coorespond to one of my other favorite shows Law and Order. For one, it shows the whole aspect of the case, starting from the crime to the final conclusion to when the case is ended. Secondly, you don't have to watch these shows in order because most of the plot is dealing with the case for that week (although a little plot will be missed with the characters, it is still watchable). Also this is a very original show considering the crime scene aspect of crime was not well-known until the O.J. trail, you know the one "if the glove don't fit, you must acquit". There have been a few spin-offs but not nearly as good as the original. Granted, all of the investigation (i.e. the crime scene work, testing the evidence, interrogation, interviewing suspects, etc.) is done by the same team and not by several different departments, I let it slide. I call it a suspension of disbelief.

For those reasons and more, that is why I now watch the show a lot. It started out slowly, only watching it when there was nothing else to do. But it has slowly grown which is why I now must confront the problem. But there is light at the end of this tunnel. For one, I recently added several books to my must-read list so that will keep me occupied for a while. Also, and more importantly, there have only been a few seasons of the show so eventually I will have seen most of them, "so I got that going for me, which is nice" (anyone able to name that quote will get a nice pat on the back from me). So there it is; I feel much better now.

And if anyone tells me I should now admit to my dozens of other problems I would tell them, "I have no problems, I am perfect in every other way". This is because in the MikeE. dictionary, if you look up the definiton of normal, there would be a picture of me there. So if you try to name ways in which I am weird, they are perfectly normal to me.... using my definitions, of course.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Happy Friday

Well hello once again. Even some odd comments made by some random people could not bring me down because today is Friday! And what a glorious Friday it has been. To start off I got a little extra sleep because I hit the snooze button two too many times. But that didn't matter much, because there was practically no traffic to work so I actually got in 15 minutes early. There was ample to do at work today so the day has just flown by. Also it is payday so I went ahead and deposited that check which is always a nice feeling.

The weather is a little dreary but, being as I am in a great mood, I will look at the positive aspects of it. For one, the rain and lack of sun has cooled the temperature, which is a happy relief from the wicked humidity. Secondly, it will be nice to drive home with the windows down instead of using the AC in the car which wastes precious gas. I could rant about the gas prices but that will just damper my mood so I will save that for another time and day.

Also I have re-discovered the love of the classic video games (as if I ever lost interest in them). This past week my roomate has been playing a fair amount of the XBox (Tiger Woods Golf to be exact), so that takes up the only TV in the house. So I decided to join him in the video game department and open up my laptop and play some old school game via the emulators. They are quite a fun and nice way to wind down the evening. If you have never heard of them let me sum up, emulators is program that acts as console. The next step is to download ROM's that act as the games(Rom's and Emulators must be downloaded separately). Open up the emulator, then pick which game you want to play and BAM!, you got yourself a blast from the past. If you want to know more, I recommend going to http://www.snesorama.us/ , its the best site that I have found. Anyways there is my piece of advice for today. Take it for what its worth. And if you don't like it and want to write something negative, go ahead, because nothing can ruin this happy Friday!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Welcome to the Pad

Hello and welcome to my humble home in this wide (and ever increasing) world of the web. Now let me begin by explaining as to why I would do something like this. It all started at work this morning. After helping to fix our phone system which had been acting like a pretzel (i.e. all bent out of shape), I felt rather useful. I thought to myself, "Well, I should do more productive things to make my days go by."
After about a half an hour went by and all I could think about was: extra effort = more work = me being tired, I decided to take my original idea in the exact opposite direction. So I thought to myself, "Well, what is the most useless thing that I could do with extra my time while at work." And, after all the ballots were cast and and all the votes were tallied, me creating a blog narrowly beat out me twiddling my thumbs incessantly. The thumbs put up a good fight claiming that people were biased against them being as they are the only non-finger aspect upon the hand, but eventually the thumbs twiddlers conceded and gave a happy two thumbs-up salute to the winner.
So how am I planning on wasting my time with this blog, you ask? If you didn't ask, too bad I am answering the question anyways! My plan is simple... whatever pops into my head at the present monent. If I am thinking about a movie, I'll write a rewiev of it or critique it in some way. If someone annoyed me on the road while driving to work and it won't stop bugging me, I'll rant about that. Or even if you want me to rant about a certain subject, just let me know and I'll see what I can do for you. It can best be summed up by the words of a certain big-boned cartoon character's words, "Whatever, I do what I want!" So sit back, relax, and enjoy the wild, crazy, and sometimes inciteful rantings of me, The Perpetual Bachelor.