The Perpetual Bachelor

What Will They Think of Next?

2006-01-18T09:54:00.000-05:00

The Japanese are known for inventing some rather bizarre things, and this is just another one of those things. Just in case someone has a hard time putting soy sauce on their sushi, these inventors have the solution for you. Chopsticks filled with soy sauce! Just a little squeeze on the top and, presto, you got yourself some soy sauce filled sushi. Now I am a fan of sushi and even bigger fan of soy sauce, but those chopsticks are too much even for me.

Good 'ol Days

2006-01-18T09:42:00.000-05:00

Well over the past few days, I have been talking to some friends of mine who are still in college and it got me thinking about my college days. This picture highlights my sophomore year in college. This was our gang of St. Ben's Room 304. We actually took a real life picture in this pose with me, my 2 roomates, and 2 good freinds who frequented our dorm room. I think the order was McG was cookie monster, EricW was Ernie, JoeP was Elmo, I was Bert, and Harrison was Grover. Now did this picture have any hidden meaning behind it? Not really. One of us found it over the internet, found it humorous, and posted it on our door. Ah, this picture brings back lost of fond memories.

Happy New Year

2006-01-03T11:18:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had some fun bringing in the new year, I know I did. My initial plans were to go over a friends house in Pennsylvania, but that plan sorta got scrapped. A week before New Year's two of my friends called, Theresa and Donna, and they were planning to go to Times Square in New York City and wanted me to go with them. Well, since I had no plans, I decided to go. They asked me to drive and I said no problem, so long as they paid for the gas and the parking.

Donna had to work early on Saturday so we didn't leave for New York until about 2:30PM. The car ride to the city was very smooth and surprisingly not much traffic. A few times we mentioned to each other how crazy we were to be doing this, but that is the fun of being young. The drive was made even better by the fact that I had my laptop there with all my songs on it. So the music was just fine (exept for the fact that Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" was played 5 times). The traffic only started to pick up once we hit the city. That was when it got fun. Theresa is originally from New York so I was counting on her for proper directions. She told me to go down Broadway and that would lead us directly to Times Square. So I proceeded to go down Broadway but, along the way, the street ended and lead us to the outside of the city. I tried doing some fancy maneuver to get back on track, but some random New Yorker gave me the good 'ol New York hello (honking his horn and waving a happy finger at me). We drove by the Statin Island Ferry and got back to the main city by getting on one of the avenues.

Along the way there some random cabbie tried the fancy manuever that I had tried a few minutes before. Theresa yelled at me to get me to blow my horn at him, saying it was the proper thing to do there. I gave him the New York hello sans the finger waving. After that I felt fairly comfortable driving in the city (actaully I find D.C. harder to drive considering at least New York has roads that make sense). Theresa said I would have had a much harder time if there was the normal traffic. So I proceeded down this avenue and we found the general area of Times Square. After making several turns and getting lost and quickly finding out where we were, I found a parking spot (total time driving in the city was about 50 minutes). The parking spot was well lit, had several nice buildings around it (less likely to get broken into), and was fairly inexpensive.

When we got out of the car, we first stood there for a minute in disbeleif that we we actually in New York City. My instinct survival soon kicked in and I broke the silence, "Boy am I hungry, let's get some pizza". Last time I was in the city, I had some of their pizza and it was the best I had ever had (even better that the pizza I had in Italy, which is very hard to do). Everyone agreed and we found a nice pizza place along the way. I could go on about the pizza, but let me sum up... it was yummy and my appetite had been satisfied.

Then the adventure of going to Times Square began. Lots of walking, lots of random cops stopping people from walking for no apparent reason, and a whole lot of people. Long story short, we were in Times Square when New Year's hit and I can now mark one of the things off my "To Do List Before I Die". We were in a good spot to walk back to the car, only taking us about 45 minutes. We were also fortunate to have a very good parking space, which was seconds away from the Lincoln tunnel. We got out of the city quickly, and was on the road home in no time.

I dropped off Donna at her house in Maryland at around 6:15AM. I had done all of the driving up until then, but my eyes were not focusing nicely so Theresa offered to drive back to her house for me, which I did not mind. I stayed up and had control of the music for the next hour and 15 minutes. When we got to her house, I took control of the car and headed back to my house. I made it early for 9AM mass which, I am proud to say, I was wide awake for the whole thing (exept for about 10 seconds, but I stopped that quickly by pinching myself). I got home around 10:10AM, changed into my pajamas, and was asleep within 2 minutes.

Overall it was a great experience and a very cool day. It was made even better by the fact that I woke up around 3:45PM, got to watch my Redskins play at 4:15 and watch them clinch a playoff berth for the first time in 6 years! So it wasn't a perfect 24 hours, but it was a memorable one that I will not forget.

Hail to the Redskins

2005-12-19T14:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, today is a good day! Being a diehard Redskin fan my entire life, nothing is sweeter than a victory over the Cowboys. In case you do not know, the Redskins and Cowboys are fierce rivals who have no love for one another. Which is why a victory over them is so nice. It was made even better by the fact that (a) they beat them both times this season, (b) both are fighting for a playoff spot, (c) the 28-point margain of victory (as pictured above) is the largest vicrory in their 92 game histroy.

I went over to my friends' (Eric and Joe) apartment to watch the game. Now Eric is a good friend and we agree on most things, but professional football is not one of them (he is a Cowboys fan). We both talked big about our teams before the game, but Eric did not have much to say soon after. Why? Well, let me tell you. The game started out close with the Redskins having to punt on the first possession of the game. The Cowboys first play was a pass that got tipped at the line of scrimmage and was intercepted. The Redskins proceeded to score a touchdown a few plays later. I could elaborate on this game for a long while, but let me sum up. The Redskins completely dominated this game and the score would have been even worse (it was already 28-0 at halftime), exept for the fact that the Redskins let up and ran the clock out in the second half. The Redskins did everything right and the Cowboys did everything wrong. It was so beautiful to watch!

Now as to why the title of the post is 'Hail to the Redskins'... it is the name of their fight song. Anyone who cares to know the lyrics, here you go...

Hail to the Redskins,
Hail to victory,
Braves on the war path,
Fight for old D.C!

Run or pass and score,We want a lot more
Beat em, Swamp em, Touchdown,Let the points soar
Fight on... Fight On...Til you have won, sons of Washington!

(The first stanza is the much more well known than the first) Now how do I know all these lyrics by heart? Well back in grade school when I went to the public schools, every child learned it in class and it has stuck with me throughout the years. Go Redskins!

2005-12-06T15:52:00.000-05:00

For some reason, at work today we got on the subject of children sports. Talked about how some children (and some parents) take it way overboard. I showed them this picture and everyone got a good laugh. Poor kid (the one in the black and red), he just wants to have fun playing soccer.

Jelly Beans

2005-11-29T11:25:00.000-05:00

In honor of the new Harry Potter movie that came out last week, I will dedicate this post to something Harry Potter related. A few weeks ago I was at the Border's store purchasing some of their coffee. I look over to see what sort of counter items they are selling and what do I spy with my little eye? Boxes of 'Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans'. Now for those of you who are not familiar with this product let me explain. In the Harry Potter world, this is a very popular candy with the wizard children. Just as the title of the candy suggests, they are jelly beans that have every type of flavor. Not just candy flavors (i.e. cherry, grape, orange, etc.) but also other yummy things (i.e. steak, ice cream, popcorn, etc.). Sounds great, but one also runs the risk of other not so tasty jellies (i.e. toejam, vomit, old milk, etc.). So these jelly beans stay true to their name every flavor!

Now when I saw that these were being sold, I just had to buy a box of them and try them for myself. The only downside I had was that on the box was shown what sort of jelly beans flavors they had and what they looked like. But I decided to eat the jelly beans without looking at which flavors I was trying, just like they do in the books. I sat at one side of the table with the front of the box facing me while two of my friends sat at the other side looking at which flavors I was about to try.

The tasting started out just fine, with me eating a cherry flavored one and some sort of lemony one. I then had the third one, which flavor I could not sense at first but tasted good. A few seconds later I figured out what I was eating was bacon flavored. This experience was going great.

The next one I had not so much; I had just put in my mouth a clump of dirt. The flavor was all in my mouth the second I bit into it. It wasn't too bad; it reminded me when I was just a wee lad and had decided to eat some dirt. Yes I know, I was a stupid kid but in my defense, all kids that age are not too bright. When my friends asked me why I had eaten dirt as a kid, I tried to explain to them its what kids do. Kids use their 5 senses to try to understand what a thing is.... I (1) saw the dirt, (2) picked it up to touch it, (3) listened to see if it made noise (it did not), (4)smelt it, and then (5) ate it. This method of thinking also explains why little boys get sent to the emergency room for swallowing little cars, and for having them shoved up their noses, they just wanted a better smell of it so they pushed it up there a little more. Not the smartest thing to do but it makes sense to those little ones (and I never had any car related injuries, so I am not the dumbest of the bunch). But I digress, now back to jelly beans.

After that it was a mix of yummy ones (popcorn, cotton candy, grape, marshmallow) and not so tasty (soap, sardine, earthworm, booger). I was feeling confident in myself that I could get through so many without being too grossed out. That quickly changed with the next flavor. I chewed it, was completely overwhelmed by the taste, was able to get half of it down, tried swallowing the other half, failed, and had to spit it out. After composing myself I asked my two friends what I had eaten. After they stopped laughing at me, they told me I had eaten earwax. I truly realized how Dumbledore felt after eating an earwax flavor one at the end of "Sorcerer's Stone" (if you do not know what I am talking about, you should read the books).

After that bean, I was a little more cautious in eating the jelly beans, only biting off half. I had some more good ones and two more bad ones, rotten egg (strong sulfer taste, don't recommend eating) and vomit (not as bad as it sounds; its just a mixture of all the flavors, but still not yummy at all). It was a memorable experience for me and something I recommend doing once in your life, especially with friends around you so they can laugh at your idiocy.

Happy Halloween

2005-10-31T10:33:00.000-05:00

Mmmmmm.... pumpkin pie. So good in all its number-ey goodness! I thought this was a clever picture so I thought I would post it. It makes me laugh, but I may be just that big of a nerd. Oh well, its who I am.

I would also like to post another picture, but its on my camera, and I don't know how to get it on here. This morning our IT guy came in dressed just like Willy Wonka (the newer version with Johnny Depp). I was nice to him and complimented him on his outfit, so he gave me one of his Wonka bars.

He is also the only person in this office who has seen Red vs Blue (let alone even heard of it). So whenever he walks by we give eachother little quotes that make us laugh. And before you go start making fun of him for spending all that time to look exactly like Wonka, let me give you this little fact. He stopped by here while on his way to the Children's wing at Fairfax Hospital to cheer up the kids there this morning. And from what I have gotten from him, he has done this a few times on Halloween to say hello to the children (but dressed up as someone else obviously). He may be a little weird, but I like him. Anyways have a great day!

The End of a Jar

2005-10-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

Last night, a few hours after my yummy spaghetti dinner, I was still a little bit hungry. So I decided that I would have a pickle. I get to the fridge, grab a pickle, eat it, and I am both happy and sad at the same time. The happiness comes from eating one of those delicious pickles, the sad part comes from the fact that it was my last one. Now I know what most are thinking, "no need to worry, just buy another jar and everything will be alright." That is what I plan on doing today, but its not that simple.

I will have a new jar in my fridge by tonight, but I cannot eat them right away. Why, you ask? Simple, they have not been made into the succulent goodness that they can be. What one does is add garlic and onions (I prefer the red ones) to the jar and let it sit for a few weeks. Oh, I could easily eat a few of them right when I get home, but they do not taste the same. Now does this make much of a difference? If you are a pickle fan like me, oh yes it does!

Let me give you a scenario to prove the point I am trying to make. One goes to the store to buy a pork loin. Now what are your options in preparing this treat. You could cut it up into little pieces and nuke it in the microwave. The quickest way, but not nearly the best. You could cut it into pork chop sizes and pan fry them. Once again not too long to make, but not nearly the best. Or one could baste it several times over with different sauces over the course of days, let it sit in its juices, then take it to the grill and slow roast it. Now that sounds like a meal!

The point is certain foods taste better when they are prepared differently. The pickles, after sitting in those juices for a few weeks are much better than just an average pickle. Now some may say that this type of food is not worth it, but to me it is and that is what matters most. Just like my roommate, who enjoys his cottage cheese; I despise the stuff but he loves it. Food is a matter of opinion and with food I say, "to each their own." So, even though last night was sad because it was the end of the jar. Today should be happy because it is the beginning of a whole new one which will bring more joy.

A Fun Movie

2005-10-17T09:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, it has been a long while since my last post. Things have been hectic these past few weeks. What with work actually picking up, going to a few job interviews, and a select few other things that have been occupying my mind (mainly just one, but there are others). So, to make this short, it is my fault for forgetting to write. Actually the only way I remembered is talking to someone last night who reminded me that I need to add another entry. Here it is.

Last night me and a few other people went to see Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Overall a funny, entertaining, good for everyone movie. The director was aiming for a movie that gave everyone enjoyment and I think that the succeeded. It also helps that the creator is British and there is much British humor in it (I do love me some British humor!). It is not top-notch animation (it never tries) but it is no matter, the movie is still excellent. If you liked Chicken Run (the clay animation movie about the chickens trying to escape - parody of The Great Escape) then you will like this movie a lot.

What also made this movie, extra great was the group of people that I went with. It is one of those movies that is good by itself, but if seen with a nice group of people, makes it so much better. Its great when there arer people around you who get the same jokes and it just makes you laugh that much harder (esp. when they have the same sense of humor). Sort of like The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, not a great move by itself, but when seen with the right people and if you are in the right mood, can be one of the funniest things that you will see. Last night I was in the mood, had the right sort of people around, and it ended up being a hysterical movie.

I'll give a brief summary of the movie, one that will not ruin anything if you want to see it. Wallace and Gromit are a man/dog duo who protect people's gardens from pests. When a monster were-rabbit begins ravaging the town, it is up to them to solve it. Doesn't sound like a winner, but the plot is coherent and it fits well with the modd the movie sets. The only potential downside to this movie, like what many other British movies have, is there is a few cases of innuendo. It was nothing bad (very tame in British standards) and I highly doubt any children will pick up on any of it, just something to know. I think it is a family movie and one that people of all ages will enjoy. Just get a good group of friends together and go watch this movie. Don't look for a movie with an in-depth plot or something that will be intellectually stimulating, because you will not be satisfied when you leave. Just expect an entertaining, funny movie and you will leave the theatre very satisfied.

Just A Thought

2005-09-22T14:28:00.000-05:00

If any of you are ever mowing the lawn and come upon a mysterious bump in your yard, it might be a good idea to check out what that bump may be. I, like the fool I sometimes am, decided to be gung ho and went right over it with the mower. Unfortunately for me, the little bee colony did not appeciate being disturbed in such a way and voiced their displeasure by stinging me. On the upside, after the first sting, I immediately realized my mistake and went ruinning inside the house (only sustaining about 4-5 stings).

It stung for about 2 minutes but it went completely uphill from there. The bees home was at the corner of the house, so I quickly grabbed the mower, got away from there, and finished the job (without finishing the corner which is the momentary peace treaty I made with the bees). After the nice, cool shower I took, my roommate had dinner ready for the both of us; that was the deal, I cut the grass and he cooks dinner. When I had finished my yummy steak dinner, it was time for the best show on TV to come on, Lost (if you have never seen it, I highly recommend it... I even have the first season on DVD if you want to borrow it). When that was over I soon went to bed and had a nice sleep. It just would have been better if I had followed my initial idea in the first place.

Hypocrisy At Its Finest

2005-09-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

As many of you already know, the confirmation hearings of John Roberts has started. I have been fortunate enough, through the internet, to be able to listen to most (and watch a little) of the hearings live. For the most part it has been fairly predictable: the liberal senators trying to pick holes into him but failing, and Roberts staying away from answering certain questions. I am also especially pleased that I had taken certain law classes with a wonderful professor because I was able to understand practically everything that was being said. Now there were a few instances where certain senators went overboard trying to ridicule Roberts but none were nearly as bad as one.

That would be Senator Joseph Biden (D-Deleware). If any of you do not know who the man is, I am very envious of you. It wasn't so much the questions he was asking but the ways in which he did and why. It became clear over the past 2 days that Biden wasn't asking these questions as to stump Roberts but for his own personal image. There is now not a doubt in my mind that he will seek the presidential nomination for the Democrats.

He had this arrogant air around him in which his questions were entitled to be answered and how dare Roberts try not to answer them. Biden said the American people had a right to know everything about what he would do, just like him and his fellow senators. Roberts countered by saying that congressman are elected by the people and they had a right to know while he would be appointed and should not be swayed by public opinion but should judge according to the law (and not make laws, which is the job of the legislative branch). He ended his questioning of Roberts by saying how upset he was that his questions were not answered, how other senators should be wary to vote for him, and how, if Roberts could not answer all the questions, he could not vote him into the Supreme Court.

The next senator in line for questioning was Senator Jon Kyl (R-AZ). He began his questioning by stating just how many questions had been asked (somewhere around 150) andhow Roberts had been more forthcoming than any person he has known. He then stated how Ruth Bader Ginsburg had been appointed even though she answered far fewer questions than Roberts. He said that a certain senator said it best by quoting him from the last hearings, “Judge, . . . you not only have a right to choose what you will answer and not answer, but in my view you should not answer a question of what your view will be on an issue that clearly is going to come before the Court in 50 different forms, probably.” Senator Kyl then turned to Biden and said that he should appreciate Roberts following that quote since it was Biden who had said that to Ginsburg.

Now, fortunately for me, I was watching the hearing at the time and caught the look on Biden's face. It is something that I will never forget and it had completely made my week. Kyl then ended his questioning early by saying that Roberts has been asked enough and gave his extra time to Biden as to comment on the previous quote. Biden then backtracked and said that all of his questions from Ginsburg were not answered that he wanted. And when pushed, said that he stuck by his initial position that he could not vote for someone who did not answer all his questions.

Now a real good question for him is why, then, if Ginsburg did not answer all his questions and, in his heart, he could not vote for someone who was reluctant to answer any question, did he end up voting for Ginsburg? Ah, I love it when people get caught with their foot in their mouth (especially when its more than once within minutes of eachother).

The Dumbing Down of Children

2005-09-08T12:33:00.000-05:00

In our society today, children (for the most part) are not as bright as they use to be. Now before you say that I am just saying this because I think that my generation was so brilliant, statistics have shown that test scores have gone down all over the place. Why is this? Well, there are several reasons, for instance lack of proper education in the school system, lack of parential guidance, among other things. But my beef in this post is aimed at a certain annoying little cartoon character, SpongeBob Squarepants.

Yes, I know there are a lot of other things more important than just a cartoon, but hear me out. Remember back in the day when we had cartoons which were wholesome and had at least some sort of morals that you could learn. Well, not anymore. If you have ever seen that sponge show (which I highly recommend staying away from), it has no sort of redeeming values to it whatsoever. It uses anything it can to grab attention to kids and have them latched to it for hours. This sort of low budget, easy to make, kid addicting type of show has spawned dozens of shows that its sole purpose is to entrap kids and get them to buy their merchandise. It also shortens their attention span so that the only thing they will be able to understand is the pointless dribble of their show.

Case in point in Australia: take a guess at who made the most money in that country? Maybe some wealthy businessman... nope; how about a famous actor or actress, they make a lot of money, right... not enough; the answer is The Wiggles. The who you ask? Well, they are a group of 4 guys who have their own children's show. They use loud noises, flashy lights, and all sorts of other things to grab children's attention for the purpose of... (nope, not teaching them valuable life lessons) giving them more of their attention and their parents' money. But some may argue about shows like this, "hey, it makes the children happy and that is what matters". True enough, but so does shoving crayons up their nostrils and eating hand-fulls of mud, but parents need to know that just because they like it doesn't mean it should be allowed.

One of the main problems is that some parents don't make time to for their children so they just plop them down in front of the TV and let it patrol their kids. This means that many of the television shows can get away with being lesson-free and use the time to get the kids addicted. Now is there hope for them (at least in the entertinment aspect). Yes, just look at Pixar and their most recent movie, "The Incredibles". Great movie, many lessons taught, and something the parents can enjoy with the children, which is missing in many of the cartoons. So, in conclusion, down with SpongeBob Squarepants and up with wholesome cartoons that both entertain and educate children.

The Blame Game

2005-09-06T14:40:00.000-05:00

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, there are several questions that are left unanswered. These are questions about food, water, shelter, and clothing for refugees, how quickly can they rebuild, etc. These questions are being asked but the question that is being brought up the most but is not the most important at this time is who is to blame for all of this? This answer is not as clear as the last major event that took place in this country, September 11th. On that day it was very clear who was to blame, the terrorists who hijacked the planes and flew them into buildings. With this most recent event no one caused the hurricane to form and hit the Gulf Coast. People are upset at the tragedy that has occurred and want someone to blame, and the media has latched onto an easy scapegoat for them, President Bush.

But is he really the cause of this problem? Once you look at the facts, the simple answer is no. The first attack came shortly after the hurricane. A few people blamed Bush for global warming and that is what caused the hurricane to be so big. They said if only he had signed the Kyoto protocol we would not have had to deal with this. The problem with this argument is that any competent scientist will say (and they have said) that, like many things in nature, the weather works in cycles and we are in a heavy hurricane cycle. Nothing can be done about the weather.

The next attack on Bush is the fact that the main reason the city flooded is that the city is below sea level. The only thing saving the city is the leeves that keep the water out. When the hurricane hit, they broke and nothing could stop the city from being flooded. People put the blame on Bush for this because he cut back spending for the city. First off this has been a problem for New Orleans since the 70's and secondly what makes them think that pumping money into the system would equate to the problem being fixed.

The most prominent attack is that Bush did not react quick enough to the problem. Shortly after the hurricane, Mayor Ray Nagin made a moving speech in which he expressed his dissatisfaction with the lack of effort from many; Gov. Kathleen Blanco specifically called out Bush and blaming the federal government for not doing enough quickly. What rarely gets brought up is the fact that the local government is the first step to solving this problem and did not do too much to help. Only 24 hours before the hurricane hit, they local government called a mandatory evacuation of the entire city. They had hundreds of school buses at the ready to deploy those who had no means of transportation out of the city. But did they make any effort to get those people out? Nope. Not a thing. They failed in that aspect and expected the federal government to swoop in and make everything better.

The problem is the government does not work that quickly. Even Bush said that they did not react quick enough. But Bush has the right mindset. He said that he will worry about who is to blame later, the important thing now is to help those who need it. I could go on and on about all sorts of groups who put blame on Bush. But let me follow the example of our great leader and end by saying say donate what you can to help the relief effort and pray for the safety and well-being of all those who were affected by this tragic event.

And Now for Something Completely Different

2005-08-30T15:21:00.000-05:00

Since my last post was about how bay a day someone can have, I decided to mix it up a little bit. Even if you are having a bad day, just remember, it can be worse. My grandpa sent me this story this weekend and I think it fits perfectly into this theme.

"Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not So bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to theoffice. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hoseand stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit withwarm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.Within a fewseconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stickto it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When Iscratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding thejellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of mydilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job'."

So be grateful for what you got and remember things could be a lot worse.

Its Just One of Those Days...

2005-08-25T14:10:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days where everyone you had to deal with were so stupid they would sell their car for gas money? Well, today is one of those days. I would begin to rant about it, but the less I talk about it, the better. The picture above gave me a good laugh and reminded me there are people out there just like that. Its also getting closer to the end of the work day which means this day will be over soon. And tomorrow I will get to talk to normal people again. So if you ever fell like you are having a day like this, just remember that picture and say to yourself, "At least I know how to hold a sign up properly."

All About Halo

2005-08-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

Some recent news in the world of Halo. For all of those who have no idea what I am talking about, Halo is the famous FPS (first-person shooter) game for the XBox. And its sequal, Halo 2, was even more popular, making $125 million dollars in its first 24 hours! Anyways, using this popularity, they (the makers of the game) decided to allow a movie to be made. As of right now, the script has been written and they are aiming for a summer 2007 release. Funny side note: when the writers finished with the script, they had two people dressed up in the armor deliver the script to the studio. Needless to say the lady working at the front desk was a little miffed when she saw these two guys walk into the building.

No new news concerning the next game, Halo 3. But it is looking more and more likely that XBox is planning on releasing the game the same day that Sony launches its next generation system (PS3). And I know which one I will be in line for! A dastardly move but very smart business sense. But what else would you expect from Microsoft?

And how could I mention Halo without talking about one of the best internet sites out there, Red vs Blue. If you have never heard of this either, I feel bad for you. There is a direct link to this site from this blog so I highly recommend going there and checking it out. Well, after a very long wait (not really but it feels long) season 4 begins August 29th! That's right, in less than a week more hilarity will ensue. Ah, wonder of wonders!!

Soy Sauce - The Greatest Condiment of All

2005-08-23T11:43:00.000-05:00

Today I feel the need to write about an under-appreciated condiment, Soy Sauce. In all the talk about great condiments, ketchup, mustard, salt, pepper, mayo, etc. get mentioned all the time but perhaps the greatest of all (in my humble opinion), soy sauce, rarely gets put into the discussion. Now what made me even consider this topic? Well, last night I made some chicken fried rice and I did a little taste test before it was done. It seemed a little bland and I quickly realized why. I forgot to add the key ingredient, soy sauce.

For all you naysayers out there who find this idea offensive, let me try to persuade you. First off most of you will initially come at me with, "how dare you say anything is better than ketchup, I hope you die alone and unhappy". Now the latter part is just hurtful and not nice but I'll let that slide this time. A condiment should enhance the flavor of the food you are eating, not overpower it. With most who argue that ketchup is the best, they do not use it as a condiment, but as the main ingredient of the dish. Thus the phrase, "would you like some eggs with that ketchup". I know that those people would be perfectly content with having a bottle of ketchup for lunch and would be perfectly happy (as long as they had a vitamin for the proper nutrients). I, who loves soy sauce, would not be happy with downing a bottle of soy sauce, and believe me, I know from personal experience its not that tasty (I was a poor fool of a freshman in college who was up at 2AM when somebody dared me for money, please don't judge).

I also do not condone the use of soy sauce for everything as opposed to my crazy ketchup loving friends, "horray, a new flavored ketchup ice-cream, its ketchup so its GOT to be good!" And I know some of you are gawking at me but deep down you know there would be people who bought it if it came out. For example the other day I saw at the store ketchup chips. The things people come up with. Let me give you an example of a perfect use of soy sauce that isn't well-known. Whenever you order Chinese food (and everyone loves Chinese food), most everyone will get fried rice. Now many ask, how does it get that brown color? Is it one of those secrets of the Chinese food that I just don't want to know, like "I ordered beef lo mein but this doesn't taste like beef, what type of meat is this?" But this is a secret that the answer will not scar you for life. The simple answer is soy sauce. Not for use in every meal, but when used properly, is the best thing. So crack open a bottle of finely made soy sauce (I prefer Kikkoman if you must know) and enjoy. But don't down it all in one sitting, like I mistakenly did once, "Everything in moderation!"

C.S.I. Anonymous

2005-08-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

Hello, my name is MikeE. and I love the show C.S.I. For those of you who are oblivious to that term, it is an acronym for Crime Scene Investigation. I had never seen an episode up until recently. It all started in May when I heard that Quentin Tarantino was a guest director the season finale. Since I am a fan of his work, I decided to give the show a shot. It was very well done and I enjoyed it immensely. The next step to this was that I found out that SpikeTV was playing episodes of CSI daily after I got home from work. It also came on at 7PM which gave me more than enough time to make dinner, get a little reading done, and then relax and watch some TV.

There are several reasons that this show is so appealing to me and all of them coorespond to one of my other favorite shows Law and Order. For one, it shows the whole aspect of the case, starting from the crime to the final conclusion to when the case is ended. Secondly, you don't have to watch these shows in order because most of the plot is dealing with the case for that week (although a little plot will be missed with the characters, it is still watchable). Also this is a very original show considering the crime scene aspect of crime was not well-known until the O.J. trail, you know the one "if the glove don't fit, you must acquit". There have been a few spin-offs but not nearly as good as the original. Granted, all of the investigation (i.e. the crime scene work, testing the evidence, interrogation, interviewing suspects, etc.) is done by the same team and not by several different departments, I let it slide. I call it a suspension of disbelief.

For those reasons and more, that is why I now watch the show a lot. It started out slowly, only watching it when there was nothing else to do. But it has slowly grown which is why I now must confront the problem. But there is light at the end of this tunnel. For one, I recently added several books to my must-read list so that will keep me occupied for a while. Also, and more importantly, there have only been a few seasons of the show so eventually I will have seen most of them, "so I got that going for me, which is nice" (anyone able to name that quote will get a nice pat on the back from me). So there it is; I feel much better now.

And if anyone tells me I should now admit to my dozens of other problems I would tell them, "I have no problems, I am perfect in every other way". This is because in the MikeE. dictionary, if you look up the definiton of normal, there would be a picture of me there. So if you try to name ways in which I am weird, they are perfectly normal to me.... using my definitions, of course.

Happy Friday

2005-08-19T14:20:00.000-05:00

Well hello once again. Even some odd comments made by some random people could not bring me down because today is Friday! And what a glorious Friday it has been. To start off I got a little extra sleep because I hit the snooze button two too many times. But that didn't matter much, because there was practically no traffic to work so I actually got in 15 minutes early. There was ample to do at work today so the day has just flown by. Also it is payday so I went ahead and deposited that check which is always a nice feeling.

The weather is a little dreary but, being as I am in a great mood, I will look at the positive aspects of it. For one, the rain and lack of sun has cooled the temperature, which is a happy relief from the wicked humidity. Secondly, it will be nice to drive home with the windows down instead of using the AC in the car which wastes precious gas. I could rant about the gas prices but that will just damper my mood so I will save that for another time and day.

Also I have re-discovered the love of the classic video games (as if I ever lost interest in them). This past week my roomate has been playing a fair amount of the XBox (Tiger Woods Golf to be exact), so that takes up the only TV in the house. So I decided to join him in the video game department and open up my laptop and play some old school game via the emulators. They are quite a fun and nice way to wind down the evening. If you have never heard of them let me sum up, emulators is program that acts as console. The next step is to download ROM's that act as the games(Rom's and Emulators must be downloaded separately). Open up the emulator, then pick which game you want to play and BAM!, you got yourself a blast from the past. If you want to know more, I recommend going to http://www.snesorama.us/ , its the best site that I have found. Anyways there is my piece of advice for today. Take it for what its worth. And if you don't like it and want to write something negative, go ahead, because nothing can ruin this happy Friday!

Welcome to the Pad

2005-08-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

Hello and welcome to my humble home in this wide (and ever increasing) world of the web. Now let me begin by explaining as to why I would do something like this. It all started at work this morning. After helping to fix our phone system which had been acting like a pretzel (i.e. all bent out of shape), I felt rather useful. I thought to myself, "Well, I should do more productive things to make my days go by."
After about a half an hour went by and all I could think about was: extra effort = more work = me being tired, I decided to take my original idea in the exact opposite direction. So I thought to myself, "Well, what is the most useless thing that I could do with extra my time while at work." And, after all the ballots were cast and and all the votes were tallied, me creating a blog narrowly beat out me twiddling my thumbs incessantly. The thumbs put up a good fight claiming that people were biased against them being as they are the only non-finger aspect upon the hand, but eventually the thumbs twiddlers conceded and gave a happy two thumbs-up salute to the winner.
So how am I planning on wasting my time with this blog, you ask? If you didn't ask, too bad I am answering the question anyways! My plan is simple... whatever pops into my head at the present monent. If I am thinking about a movie, I'll write a rewiev of it or critique it in some way. If someone annoyed me on the road while driving to work and it won't stop bugging me, I'll rant about that. Or even if you want me to rant about a certain subject, just let me know and I'll see what I can do for you. It can best be summed up by the words of a certain big-boned cartoon character's words, "Whatever, I do what I want!" So sit back, relax, and enjoy the wild, crazy, and sometimes inciteful rantings of me, The Perpetual Bachelor.